im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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