giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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