what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
