as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
