you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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