After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize