Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
