Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
