He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
