I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
