one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
