Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize