The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
