brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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