I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
