R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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