my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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