i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize