The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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