Yo dont text me then not text me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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