This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Damn victory sex feels great
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
