The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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