I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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