I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
