he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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