Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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