Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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