He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
