so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
