Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
