shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
