Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
