I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
