I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
