People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize