With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
