Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
