Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
