I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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