she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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