Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
