He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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