dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
