I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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