i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
