See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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