You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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