24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
