Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
