i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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