I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
