I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize