I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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