ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
