Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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