Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
