One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
