Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
