i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
