I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
