Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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