No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
