i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
