It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
