I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
