My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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