Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
