there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
