just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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