so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
