I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
