Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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