so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Where is the hickey?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
